The Grugbrained CEO

These words inspired by grugbrain.dev. If feel confuse, read grugbrain.dev first. Give good idea on how make good code and be less confuse.

This grug once scientist, not so different from dev. Grug get very good at science, get more shiny rock for make more science, pretty soon have so much shiny rock, spend whole time on how use shiny rock, no more time for science. Grug is now become “CEO.” Sad for grug, but good for science. Maybe.

What is CEO? CEO like tribal leader, get shiny rock, use shiny rock to get more grug, go do more science. Sound very easy. Is not! No one teach grug how do CEO, mostly learn by mistake, mistake, mistake, mistake, unclear, mistake, mistake, win!, mistake, mistake.

Big brain CEO have many big idea for how avoid mistake and make successful tribe. Most common advice to grug from big brain CEO is, do same as famous tribe. Usually stripe. grug not sure how useful this advice is. grug not help send shiny rock through magic tubes. So grug try to write down useful learns for the young grugs. Maybe helpful, maybe not.

(Many big brain ceo and ceo coach make sour face when hear grug unsure about stripe. Stripe very sacred for big brains.)

Grug CEO lead small tribe with only 20 grugs. Tribe turn dinosaur bones into secret numbers and use secret numbers to make magic elixir cure all diseases. Maybe advice not good for big tribe, or tribe that help people ride in stranger’s cars or share video while secretly sell fancy socks.

Leading:

Most important job for CEO is lead. Lead where? Grug CEO usually not know, have no map. Is fine. Big brain CEO sometimes say have map stored away in secret google doc. Maybe. Important thing is that CEO lead, not that CEO know where to.

How lead? Decide on words. Stand in front of tribe and say words. Keep say words until true. Decide new words.

Most important thing for Grug CEO is to say some words. We will make these secret numbers. We will use our secret numbers to make magic elixir cure all diseases. Grug CEO make many mistakes. Is fine! Grug CEO not be remember for mistake. Grug CEO only be remember for win. Do wrong thing better than do nothing at all.

To lead, CEO must be with tribe. Sometimes big brain CEO spend whole time in metal bird, eat rare dinosaur meat with expensive suit people. Sail on fancy boat, watch fast cars drive in circles, slide down cold mountain on small sticks. Is okay, helpful for get more shiny rock. But more time in metal bird means less time repeating words to team, means team become confuse and start wander off, and CEO become confuse too.

Hiring:

Most important thing for grug CEO to know: hire good people is good. Hire bad people is bad. Big brain CEO sometimes think hire bad is good, make company big, get more shiny rock, strike fear into hearts of enemies. Maybe. Grug think, usually hire bad is bad, hire more bad is more bad.

Grug approach simple. Grug meet candidate, deeply ask self: If this candidate on team, grug more want to put on pants in morning? If yes, hire. If no, no hire. If maybe, no hire. No more think, next candidate.

How Grug know if candidate make grug more want to put on pants? Instinct usually know better than grug. Grug not know why. Is fine! Grug work with many many people, some good, some bad, have years of headache from bang head on wall after work with bad people. Somehow learn secret mystical rule for distinguish good and bad. Just because Grug can’t put secret mystical rule into “rubric” or “job description” doesn’t mean rule is wrong. Grug learn: more listen to secret mystical rule, less bang head on wall, less headache, more want to put on pants.

Instincts:

All grug CEO have secret dark superpower called “instinct.” For decide on words, for decide on hire, for get magic rock: for all these, “instinct” is dark superpower that make grug CEO win where all other grug fail. Become good CEO is quest to find dark superpower, learn to listen to it, harness into powerful magic spells. More listen to secret dark superpower, more make success.

Compensation:

Very important: when hire new grug, have to choose how much shiny rock to give. New grug often want many many shiny rock, make loud noise, threaten to go to evil tribe on other side of hill. Even when new grug shout loudly, important not to give new grug too much shiny rock. Why? First: make sure new grug really want to join tribe, make tribe strong. If new grug want shiny rock more than join tribe, okay, is fine. Second: if new grug not have too much shiny rock when join, then after new grug come in, make very good job, turn many many dinosaur bone into magic number, easy to give new grug much more shiny rock as reward. Then new grug very happy. Good for morale.

Also very important: when give new grug shiny rock, must make sure shiny rock reflect value new grug adds. Some big brain CEO instead make shiny rock reflect how many grey hairs new grug has. This not make much sense. Unless big brain CEO tribe make wig from grey hairs maybe.

Doing everything yourself:

Sometimes grug CEO feel they have to do everything by grugself. Tribe always confuse, do wrong thing, not understand simple simple asks. When very bad, sometimes grug CEO lie in bed at night and scream at universe and wonder why no other grug in whole world know what to do except for grug.

Is fine.

When grug CEO need something done, are three ways to do:

1. Find other grug that already know what do, and let them do.

2. Tell other grug what do, and then let them do.

3. Do by grugself.

First, try #1. However, If grug CEO already know deep in heart what they want do and how they want do, then #1 very hard. Maybe get lucky. Usually not.

If #1 not work, then try #2. This require two secret ingredient: good communication and good employee. Grug CEO must practice communication, be able to tell employee what Grug CEO clearly and without confuse, so employee can do. Employee must also be good, so can do what grug CEO ask. If Grug CEO give clear communication without confuse, and employee cannot do, maybe fire.

Sometimes give clear communication without confuse too hard though. This true if Grug CEO not know clearly what Grug CEO want, or if communicate what want is harder than just do. Then, must just do, no choice. For example, write little message up to 40 words for put on worldwide squawk board. When write little message up to 40 words, every word must carefully choose. Delegate harder than just choose. Must do by grugself.

Doing nothing:

Alternative to do everything by grugself is do nothing. Do nothing also very powerful.

Example: grug come into office, find all employee run around screaming, all secret numbers bad, magic elixir wrong. What do?

Do nothing. Is fine. Check later if employee still screaming. Usually employee fix secret number, stop screaming, all good.

Firing:

Sometimes grug weak, impatient, not listen to secret mystical rule, instead look at rubric or job description, make bad hire. In this case grug spend 2 months bang head against wall, get headache, has no choice but to fire. Firing is worst part of grug CEO job. 

To make firing less bad, grug CEO just use same strategy every time. Grug CEO bring employee into room and just say: “I’m sorry, this is not working out.” These words like magic spell: employee may be sad and angry and demand extra bonus shiny rock for do bad work but once grug CEO say these words, know that by end of day employee is gone and headache is less bad.

Winning:

Sometimes, grug tribe do something, and evil tribe on other side of hill throw shit at grug. Write mean messages on worldwide squawk board. Talk bad to friends. Make sour face when grug name mention in big talk to fancy suit people. Is fine. This is “winning.” More grug win, more evil tribe write mean things on worldwide squawk board, more sour face. Is fine. Win is good. Make sour face when grug name mention better than make no face at all. Keep go.

Strategy:

Often grug CEO meet candidate who mainly want spend time think about “strategy.” At first, grug CEO feel confuse. Grug CEO not really know what “strategy” is. Over time, grug CEO learn: “strategy” mostly mean “sit in chair, think hard about what do.”

“Sit in chair, think hard about what do” kind of like “sit on beach, stare into distance.” This job more fun and frankly much easier than normal grug CEO job of “send email furiously,” “review google doc,” and “say same thing over and over to fancy suit people as though just thought of it first time wow.”

But grug CEO learn also, grugs who want “sit in chair, think hard about what do” mostly not want do hard job also, mostly see “think about what do” higher status than “send email furiously” and “review google doc”. Maybe when tribe very big, tribe need many people to think hard about what do, but small tribe usually limited less by “think about what do” and more by limited by “do.” 

Now, grug CEO mostly think, at least at small tribe, strategy is mostly red flag word, bad fit.

Fundraising:

Sometimes, grug CEO need more shiny rock. Get more employees, make more GPUs go brrrr. Then grug CEO go find expensive suit people and promise more shiny rock tomorrow if they give shiny rock today. Sounds like scam, but somehow is fine. When grug fundraising, though, must be careful. Sometimes expensive suit people want give grug more shiny rock than grug even know how to use. Very dangerous, lead to too-much-shiny-rock-disease.

Too-much-shiny-rock-disease like so: when tribe small, tribe not know what good and what bad, not know where going. Is fine! Waste a lot of shiny rock, but learn fast. When expensive suit people give tribe shiny rock, expensive suit people want tribe to use it. Want tribe to “scale.” If tribe get too much shiny rock too early, tribe then scale before know where to go. Then tribe waste more shiny rock faster, pretty soon all shiny rock wasted, not much to show, expensive suit people unhappy. Worst is when tribe founded with too much shiny rock. Tribe must grow without knowing at all what do. Hire many bad people, and many good people bad fit for tribe.

Best advice is: take least shiny rock possible. Make tribe strong, learn to do much with little. Then tribe even stronger when tribe gets big.

Lawyers:

Lawyer like great wizard, wield dark magick to convert shiny rock into solutions, make problems go away. Grug sometimes tempted to go to great wizard lawyer for all problems, but must be very careful. Dark magick very dangerous, consume many shiny rock, can summon complexity demon spirit if used wrongly.

First problem with lawyer is, grug must know what grug wants. Go to lawyer and not know what grug want, get dark magick that consumes many shiny rock and make solution for no problem -- best case!!! Worst case, consume many shiny rock and summon complexity demon spirit.

Second problem is, lawyer themself get drunk on shiny rock. Cast more and more dark magick spell, summon more and more stronger complexity demon spirit. End up with so much complexity demon spirit, so many boxes and arrows, worse even than consultants. Grug think, maybe this how OpenAI become so confuse, too much shiny rock too much dark magick, summon ancient and mighty complexity demon spirit that not even Sam Altman strong enough to overcome, create fatal weakness for future enemies like Elon.

When complexity demon spirit summoned by dark magick, grug first temptation is always go back to great wizard lawyer and ask for new spell to defeat demon. This never work, end up with great mess. Instead, CEO must use most powerful tool for defeat complexity demon spirit and restore order and tranquility to tribe: “No.”

How to avoid runaway dark magick from consuming all shiny rock and summon complexity demon spirit? First rule: make sure lawyer good. How know lawyer good? Just like dev, must see lawyer practice dark magick to judge. If dark magick summon complexity demon spirit for simple problem, give grug headache, no good. Second rule: no ask lawyer “what grug do?” Lawyer not know what do. If lawyer know what do, then lawyer CEO! Grug job to decide what do. Lawyer only give options and wield dark magick at problem given by grug.

Grug also have special rule: never let lawyer talk to other lawyer. Then lawyer talk for long time, bring many lawyer friends, consume many shiny rock, still confuse.

HR:

Never hire HR. HR is antithesis of grug, turn even most tiny puddle of problem into deep pool of complexity and headache. If grug CEO find self in charge of tribe with HR, must immediately feed HR to T-Rex. Only way to be sure.

How to start:

Grug CEO figure out easy three step process for start new tribe:

Step 1: Find cliff

Step 2: Jump off cliff

Step 3: Figure out tribe on way down.

Best if cliff is metaphorical. Real cliff not good for start tribe, unless new tribe build metal bird or jetpack or get deep insight from bungee jump.

Key lesson here for the young grug: very hard to start new tribe while stand on solid ground.